Full House

I've been back in London for a little over three months, living with seven others in a houseshare. It's something I've never really done before, so it's all new to me.

When I first moved in, there were only two others in residence. I must admit that it all felt a bit Big Brother at the time as new housemates joined The House. We all get along well enough with each other, considering we have no communal living area, just the kitchen. It'll come as no surprise that the kitchen is where we spend most time talking. That and the garden porch, where a couple of us will share a smoke and chit some chat.

It's also the first time I've lived alone. Which isn't to say I've never had my own place, I have, but I was either dating someone or living with them. This time it's just me. Except that it isn't. I still see my boys and we have the occasional sleepover (last time we had a tent in my room). I really quite like living here. True, it has it's fair share of faults but it suits my purposes.

Two of our housemates have left the house and already been replaced. Just when I was getting used to everybody, the dynamic changes. Oh, well. I know it's a bit of a cliche but that's life. People come and go in our lives all the time. I'm sure the new housemates will fit in just as well as the old ones. 

Who knows where I'll be this time, next year? I don't. But right now I'm happy enough where I am. 

Happy Ever After?

Once upon a time... 

A prince met a princess and they fell madly in love with each other. It wasn't long before the prince asked the princess to be his wife. They were wed within the year and were crowned king and queen of all they surveyed. Their marriage was soon blessed with the birth of a beautiful, baby boy who grew to become a wonderful, young prince.

Unfortunately, the king was plagued by demons and he withdrew into himself. Because the king wasn't showing the queen the same affection he always had, she felt hurt and betrayed and assumed that he no longer loved her. The queen asked the king to depart from their kingdom, both of them filled with sadness and regret.

But the king loved his queen just as deeply as he ever had and slew his demons so that he may return to his queen and their little prince...

This could be the moment that the story becomes a tragedy...

Or it could be the moment that they live happily ever after.

I know life isn't a fairy story but doesn't this little family deserve a happy ending?

Famous Last Words

I wrote this yesterday.

"I'm just going through the motions. I have nothing to live for. When I was low and feeling depressed, I had something to live for. Now I don't. I just can't see a way out other than to take my own life. I don't want to make a spectacular statement. I just don't want to live anymore. The best things in my life have been taken from me and no matter how much I beg I'm not getting them back. I've tried reasoning and pleading but nothing works. I wish it didn't have to be this way but I don't want to continue with the life I have left."

And then I saw this photo of my boys.

I still feel depressed, I still feel suicidal and yet...

And yet...

Three Into One

Last week I found myself working three jobs, which came as quite a surprise to me considering that the previous month I wasn't working at all. Since moving to Devon a little while back, I'd been putting myself out there, asking for work pretty much anywhere and everywhere. At first the response wasn't all that great. Online applications were submitted, CVs were distributed and newspapers scanned for almost any type of work with little or no success.

Until...

Suddenly, about a month after my initial efforts, I was inundated with job offers. A local cafe, a private furniture shop and a high street optician all had a position for me, which is the situation I was in last week, working nine days straight for all three. Sadly, there just aren't enough days in the week and I had to hand in my notice at the cafe, which is a real shame as they're a great bunch to work with. Hopefully they won't spit in my tea next time I pop in for a drink (just kidding, they're all very friendly and professional).

So now I'm working for the opticians and the furniture shop, two completely different environments, one local and one a (reasonably) short commute away. I quite like the contrast as it doesn't feel as if I'm working a full week, even though I am. As a result of this, I'm don't dread Monday morning, looking at a long hard slog through the week and counting the days until the weekend. I should have done this years ago.

So much for Monday to Friday, nine to five.

When The Music's Over

I haven't written anything on my blog for a long, long time. That's because I was coming to terms with the the fact that my marriage was reaching it's tragic conclusion. My wife and I have gone our separate ways, she keeps our son and our home and I'm staying with family until I'm back on my feet.

Apart from moving from the sprawling metropolis that is London, where I've lived all my life, to a tiny town in the Devon countryside, which is a wrench in itself, I'm also trying to get used to life without my wife and child. At night I sleep alone, no one to cuddle and wish "Goodnight" and in the morning, there are no 5yr old feet to jump upon my bed.

I'm very much lost for words...

Letter from a breaking heart

To those who know,

It's obvious that a line has been drawn and that sides have been taken. It's obvious that you would choose the side you're on, why wouldn't you? But there's a difference between being supportive and offering support.

If I were about to cause irreparable harm, I'd like to think I'd have someone on my side. Not to agree with my actions, but to make me see sense. Some things cannot be undone.

At this moment, it's not too late. There is still a chance. There is still hope. At least, there is still hope in my heart but time is running out. Once the damage is done... It's done.

The consequences will be particularly devastating for someone caught in the middle, someone with no choice in the matter. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Ever.

I've been shying away from the reality of the situation but very soon events will come to a head and the repercussions will be tragic, indeed. It doesn't have to be this way.

I'm on my knees, begging, please don't allow this to continue. I've been through this once already and I'm dreading the prospect of having to go through it again.

Yours, most sincerely, a breaking heart.

Glipho photo writing challenge #2: Write 500 words

I've never written as part of a challenge before but the photo that was to be used as inspiration for a 500 word story... Well, it inspired me.

You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. You'll never find the body. 

Morbid, I know, but it was meant to have a dark theme and I couldn't imagine a darker theme than a kidnapping/murder coupled with a taunting message.

Give Me A Sign!

Having been out of work for over a year I was a little nervous about the prospect of returning to full time employment. Fortunately for me a former employer had a part time job to offer me which I readily accepted. This gave me the chance to ease myself back into work without diving in at the deep end, plus I would be around some familiar faces. This has made my transition much easier and far more enjoyable than I could have hoped for.

The position itself is as Leaflet Distributor, which isn't very taxing nor prestigious, but it has shown me a side to society that I hadn't noticed before. I'm well aware that we are all different (I'm not*) but the varying degrees of difference has surprised me.

When I'm standing in the street most members of the public don't want to be handed a leaflet which may well turn out to be a piece of rubbish after they've seen what it is. Many people, myself included, simply turn down the offered leaflet as standard. There are, though, many ways in which it can be done. I've compiled a list of behaviours and categorised them below to help illustrate my point.

Polite:

Shake head

Raise hand

Little smile

Eye contact

No thank you

Avoid proximity (funny)

Make excuse

Have a chat

Ask what is being offered

Body language (micro expressions)

While it is pleasant for me that people walking by may actually speak to me, simply by saying "No, thanks", it isn't necessary if they would like me to leave them alone. The micro expressions tell me as much as anything else mentioned on the above list with almost no energy required or time wasted. It's not easy to put into words what this group of people do to indicate their reluctance to take what is being offered but once I've seen it, you are no longer a viable target on my radar. Remember, I'm only trying to give people what they want, not trying to offload as much as possible to carpet the pavement around me with discarded leaflets.

Also in this category are those who try to avoid me by walking behind me or placing someone or something between us to avoid my outstretched hand. They have me laughing inside every time, especially when they fail. They suddenly come across all flustered, unsure about what to do. God, I love the British public.

Forgivable:

Concentrating on something else

In a hurry

Didn't see me

Blocked line of sight

Hands full

Quite often, people will stroll past me deep in conversation with somebody, a friend or young child, or they may be texting away busily on their mobile phones, and while most of them will ignore me, it is understandable. I'm just another hazard to avoid bumping into. If they happen to be carrying shopping bags I'll leave them alone, although I regularly get asked to pop a leaflet into one of them. Of course I'll oblige. After all, that's what I'm here for. 

Rude:

Deny my existence

This category fairly makes my blood boil. I can be looking straight at someone with my arm outstretched and they walk past me, their gaze fixed firmly ahead. I know they have seen me by the way they carry themselves. It's kind of the opposite of the micro expressions mentioned earlier. They give away nothing to say they have seen me, therefore they don't need to accept the leaflet being offered. Except that their body language is all but screaming that they have seen me and they wish I would just go away. Rude. Don't forget, I only want people to take a leaflet who are interested in what is being offered. If it is indicated that someone is not interested, I will go away, or at least move my arm in a different direction.

To sum up, apart from those people who are unafraid to politely refuse me, there is a large group of people who feel uncomfortable turning me down. Why this should be, I couldn't say, but if you discover the answer please let me know.

(*Monty Python's The Life Of Brian)

We're putting the band back together

I'm looking to form a band. There, I've said it. It's been on my mind for several months but was just a daydream, until now. I've been a member of a small number of bands in the past and I miss the buzz of playing with other musicians, the thrill and excitement as one idea bounces off another. There are few things in this word that give me as much satisfaction and/or such an emotional high as when I'm in tune with my instrument and the people around me.

I'm a self taught guitarist with a love of the blues, although I'll often stray from the purist path and enjoy a bit of rock on the side. I am by no means the greatest guitar player you will ever hear and what I lack in technical ability, I make up for with heart and soul. Which is exactly what I'm looking for in a band mate. Someone who cares about what they're playing.

What do you play? Drums? Guitar? Bass? Piano? Harmonica? Maybe you can't play anything but love to sing. If you share my love of the blues and don't mind a bit of rock n roll, etc, then you're my man. Or woman. Black or white, short or tall. It doesn't matter to me. I live in Harrow and look forward to meeting you. If you can't travel to me (I know from experience that drums aren't the most portable of instruments) then I'll travel to you. The easiest way to contact me is via Twitter. My username is @LeesMyth. Until then have a pint or whatever takes your fancy and think about the fun we could be having together. Cheers ;)

Welcome To The Stunning Crew

For the second time in as many months we have lost another friend and it doesn't get any easier to cope with the loss of someone taken before their time. Dominic Osborne's death came out of the blue and it hit us hard. We were caught off guard, safe in the knowledge that lightning couldn't strike twice in the same place. How wrong we were.

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for Dom's family to find the words to speak at his funeral, as I struggle for words to post in my blog. I am sorry to say that they did a far better job than me. Actually, that's the way it should be and as such I  asked for permission to use his sister, Louisa's, tribute here. Thankfully she consented, only requesting that I help to promote the VMG (Virgin Money Giving) page that was set up in his honour to help those living with diabetes. Click here for details.

 

 

My darling brother Dom, my Best Friend, my Schemes & my STUNNING!

I have so many things that I want to say but it is just impossible to say it all...

It's extremely difficult to talk about the sheer magnitude your loss has had and will continue to have on myself, Richard & Sarah but especially Mum & Dad. Our lives will never be the same again but I can promise you that as your little sister (which I know a lot of people found amusing as I towered over you) I will do everything in my power to support them all through this as I know you loved us all very much. We will never stop talking about you, thinking about you or loving you.

You don't have to worry about a thing anymore Schemes, nothing at all. You are in a better place, although I would do anything to have you back here with us all now. My heart is broken and I am lost without you but I will continue to find strength and will hopefully one day have my own family who I will be proud to tell all about you.

 

You will be in my life every single day!

 

Spag bol will never be the same.

Leahy!! Your bestie! Don't worry we'll look after him!

Cheese!! It's lovely stuff you'd say. This Christmas we'll eat the best of it for you.

The fry ups, the curry nights, spicy pork with Kendo, the roasts on Sunday! Herb up the gravy it's the best! Blacking it up, the sweat towel and a huge cup of tea. Sausage casserole!!!

The master at pool, pool comps everywhere, the Apollo, The Railway, The Goodwill, The Junction. Pocket blocking in full swing, two shots red, one on the black. North Harrow Snooker hall, I never went but you, Dad & Richard had a ball.

X files, Eastenders, Star wars, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, Superman you could quote them all. You know the whole cast of enders and got annoyed if I didn't know who you were talking about... Beale the undead!!! Gremlins too.. Ra Ra that's for you! CSI!!!

Gin & Tonic... Double, Kronenbourg & lime which don't worry I'll drink all the time! Guinness, Vodka & red bull and the special Jack & coke! Yates on a Thursday, Junction on a Sunday... Ice, Ice Baby! Plus all those in between.

The fast show was one of your favs you'd quote it all day long.

Your special language with Richard will be missed most of all, shouting out boggins as you stood in the hall. I will try and learn it to make Richard smile but there is no one as funny as little old you!

Hello Pipe I shouted from the car window one day, no bag that's not pipe you cried as the man walked away. We laughed so much that we were almost sick I was desperate to see his bottle opening trick.

Dougie D all up my arse like fleas we smell panties... all up my crack! Lady D the stunning one, she always had your back! 

Kipping! Piping our eye! The barge holiday, barge poos (I'll explain that one later!) it's drifting, it's drifting... oh what laughs.

Old Bill, stand still... cop shop drop... & Lou Lou & I did drop

The leather jacket... your trade mark! Mr Khan's leather shop with 2fine!

The job!!!

Jumping Bean, Niblet! My feet are brewing & the brewster!! What ever happened to her you'd say!

Weez & Grawwny, let's go for coffee!

The deeds!!!! Deedage!

Take it I'm scared

Mum's choring! She'll keep it up but I will chore now too (bet that's music to your ears mum)

The nights we'd sit and chat about everything... it will never be the same. Smoking your mays one after the other.

The CHOONS, THE TUNES!!

Vanilla Ice

Grant no neck... We'll go here, but it closes in half hour... Don't worry... we'll carry on drinking!

The Colonel your hero, & Mum, your rock

George Lucozade & Lucozade Glucose tablets!

Jany Boy!

Almost thrown out of Claridges... only you! The Ritz, The Connaught, Tea at Browns! We dined at the best!

The fish eye when Mum said No Louisa NO!! The french restaurant where Mum spat out the snails! 

Oily Rag Nuncle? Is it man or is it boy Cliver?

Who do you think you are Ja Rule!?

We love you Jimmy!!!

The list goes on & on & on and on! Sorry that I haven't mentioned it all but I've got my life to do that for you my darling big bro

So much that will remind me of you, WELCOME TO THE STUNNING CREW!

 

 

 

'Anyone fancy a pint?'