Day 312: All by myself

It's been a little over a week since I last saw my psychologist and it's also the last time I would see my psychologist. My course of treatment came to an end and I have been set adrift, left to fend for myself, in a world that isn't much different from the one I came from when it began.

 

Do I feel any great benefit from our time together? On the whole I would have to say, not really, although in her eyes I have made some progress. I guess you would have to ask the people around me if they think there is any real difference.

I'm still taking the Sertraline that I was prescribed way back in November 2012, although I'm not taking it religiously every day. Instead, I'll miss a day here and there as and when I feel I can cope without it. But again, I don't feel that it has made much difference to the way I feel or behave, partly because I used to smoke weed nearly every day for the best part of twenty years and therefore have no real reference for what normal is.

So what happens next? Where do I go from here?

 

 

Good deeds

I have something to say that I find hard to put into words but it's important so I'm going to try. And I'm deliberately leaving it vague because it's not my place to name names, etc.

As I'm currently suffering from depression I know the value of an arm around the shoulder, a comforting word or a friendly smile. The other day it was my turn to offer those same things to someone that looked like s/he needed it. We were at a toddler group and during the singing/dancing part of the session s/he came and sat at the back, away from the noise. A few minutes later s/he was approached by a helper regarding his/her child's unruly behaviour but s/he remained where s/he sat until the music was over.
Then came time for the children and their parents/carers to have some refreshments and play with the toys provided by the group. It was here that I witnessed for myself his/her child misbehaving and his/her own reluctance to intervene, instead relying on other parents/carers to step in and take action when necessary.

By this time just about every parent/carer was making the same judgement about him/her that you yourself must be coming to as s/he was on the receiving end of many disapproving looks. Which is a shame because they didn't have all the facts. They took the situation at face value as most of us do, myself included. However, on this occasion I had one piece of information that explained, in part at least, his/her reluctance to enter the fray.

When s/he had first removed him/herself from the first part of the session s/he had told another helper and myself the reason for doing so. S/he has Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. What caused this, I didn't ask. So when I saw him/her sitting away from the noise (and let's be honest here, children make a lot of noise) I took the time to see if s/he was ok. And when I could see that his/her child was becoming boisterous again I gave him/her a nudge and offered to go with him/her into the thick of it. S/he was able to cope a little better with someone beside him/her, someone who had reached out a helping hand when she to needed it. True, his/her child still acted up a little but with both of us there to step in, at least the other parents/carers didn't have to worry about their own children being hurt or upset by his/her child's actions. I didn't see them leave or get a chance to say goodbye but I hope the experience hasn't put him/her off from coming again.

If there's a moral to the tale I'm sure you can work it out for yourself.

Actually, if there's a moral to this tale then you have my mother to thank for teaching me that it's up to those that can to stand/speak up for those that can't.

Day 126: Expect to expect the unexpected

It was only to be expected, except I didn't expect it. On the day I was due to have a careplan(?) presented to me (Monday, last), my psychologist was ill. Go figure. Well, I guess we all get ill from time to time, just a pity that it happened to be on that particular day.

So, now we have to wait until Monday, next. I'm really looking forward to hearing what she has to say about my situation and what can be done to improve it.
Let's keep our collective fingers crossed.