Getting the proverbial monkey off your back isn't easy. Making sure that it stays that way is much harder to achieve. For me, the monkey's name is Mary Jane and for the past 12 months I've managed to keep her off my back by simply avoiding her and not giving her an opportunity to climb back on again. Until last night...
She strolled in nonchalantly, "Don't mind me, I'm not here for you". And she wasn't. But I kept her in my sights all the while, very much aware of her presence in the room. Seeing her is one thing, I could cope with that, it was her scent that made me feel uncomfortable. I found myself not breathing simply to avoid it. It wasn't a conscious decision, it was a reflex, it was self preservation. Fortunately, she didn't hang around for long and I could relax again.
Until someone else started to miss her.
"Where is she? Why isn't she answering her phone?" And even when she replied and said she was on her way, because she wasn't there soon enough it became "Where is she? Why isn't she answering her phone?" again. I began to feel tense. This is exactly the way I used to behave when I let her rule my life. Now I was watching someone else under her spell and I didn't like it one little bit. From now on she can do what she likes as long as she doesn't come anywhere near me. I thought I could cope with being in her presence.
I was wrong.
And I won't be putting myself in that position again.
